Just in time

I was out most of the day today. Took Sarah and her sister to paradigm, did some needed shopping and then we headed out to meet ding, Huey-Ee, Florence and wee Kiat. It was a great day but I felt a bit restless throughout the day, my heart was not at ease.

Then I got home and checked my email and there, I saw an email and knew why. It was because I made a close friend pretty upset at me. It was a wake up call that was needed. I thought the incident that happened - we were suppose to meet up but her window had some problems. I told her to get her window fixed and didn't offer any help or even accompanied her. I remember that moment that I felt terrible and as if i ditched her but as days goes by, I soon forgot. 

As i read the email, I felt very bad to the point that I wanted to cry because of what happened. My thoughts were all over and i felt so bad. I kept thinking if I were in her shoes, I'd be pretty me at me too. What can I do to salvage this? At that moment, I felt nothing. And then I started to make the picture bigger and blaming myself for not putting enough effort and doing my part as her friend yet I claimed myself to be her girlfriend. I made matters bigger than it was and i felt so guilty, so disappointed at myself. For that few minutes, I just wanted to shrink cause I've disappointed this other person who has loved me and cared for me since secondary. What have I done? 

I typed out a long reply. There was no one to blame except myself. I have sidelined her BUT I have never cared for her any lesser. I felt there was an invisible barrier at times but as she responded to my long reply, I saw our friendship resurface. I still need to do my part to keep this friendship afloat. I can do this. She matters and I care about this friendship. In life, we don't meet many people who stay and I appreciate these people who have stuck and stick with me. Thankfully, we talked it out and things turn out to be good. 

I see how much we have grown. Basically, this whole scene was based on honest feelings and the guts to say it out. To be truthful and just let out what is wrong. I can now say I see this as a healthy process. I should be told when I've done something wrong and thanl God, there is space to make amendments. 

Esther, if you are reading, I take this whole episode of what happened as God's reminder for me to appreciate people who are around for me but I'm not noticing. We can get too caught up with life and forget our priorities. I'll keep in mind what happened and be a better person because you told me what went wrong. My eyes and ears are opened to honest communication. It maybe brutal but it's needed to make things better.