Real feelings never fade

The start of a month reminds me of another month passed by without us with the title.

Did you know how much I love you?

I don't know how more can I express my love for you. Even till now, I still love you just that I found the hard way to life without you.

Have I Iove you lesser ever since?

To think of it, the answer is no. We don't just stop loving some one. Or love them lesser. Though it looks like I'm better now, it's just me learning new ways to go on living. Life cannot revolve around you. How I hope you understand..

It's not only that I miss you. But I miss being the one who's there for you always. I want to be your other half. Yet things just wasn't meant to be. Every Monday, rather than things getting easier. It's getting a bit harder to not miss you.

How I want to call you baby so badly. How I want to tell you I forgive you and love you.

But will that promise us a future together? No and that's what keeping me away from you. Only that.

Forgiving you is something I've already done. If only you can promise me never to leave me. Not even being able to utter that, I know you're in the situation where you really can't do it.

It's not about matching for each other or not. Because Im already in love with you. To me, you're the only one who holds the key to my heart. The only one who can soothe my heart cause its you who put that scar there. If only you can understand how deeply in love and committed i am to our relationship.

My girlfriends, I know you girls are trying to let me see that there's a whole other world there. But I've been stubborn with choosing him and it has set in my heart until today. I don't know how to explain myself and make sense even. It's obvious, this whole relationship yet my inner self finds it so hard to give up on it.

I'm living on. But sometimes, I feel like I'm in denial of my love for him. You girls might get frustrated at me. I'm really sorry. It's not that I don't take in your advice. I do, and truly appreciate it. It's because of you all I'm here today. Living on.

Just sometimes I don't think I can move on cause he is constantly in my heart. How do one put it behind? Will time really heal? And what if, it's me who's not giving up?

Updated: I was having heavy mood swings. Thus this post. I'm better now ;)